Seen Ways, Counted Steps

Haven't had the time to update this thing lately. I had my gallbladder taken out last Friday...I'm good. Everything is healing great and I'm up and moving around :).

I was moved to the Logistics department at work, and it's been a little bit of a challenge for me. I work with a bunch of guys for 8 hours everyday. They are jokesters...and it's a fun work environment, and laid back. But sometimes it's hard for me to stay patient with them and let my light shine. They are funny, but most of the time, I get stuck in awkward situations where I'm forced to decide whether or not I'm going to compromise on my beliefs. I don't want to seem haughty and holier-than-thou, but I also can't help the check in my spirit sometimes.

I keep thinking about Hadassah in the Mark of the Lion series...how sweet and generous she was. She was kind and patient and generous, and meek and humble and quiet...but she spoke when she needed to. But it was her actions that spoke to people, mainly. And I look at her life and how she affected people just by having faith and being like Jesus...not laughing at cruel jokes or poking fun, not being mean and selfish, and I look at my own life and wonder what happened to who I used to be. Alright, I know that Hadassah is a fictional character, but there ARE people like that out there. They are few and far between, but I have met a couple.

To know God is to not settle for compromise. To know Him is to become like Him...like Jesus. I miss being able to see the art in me...being able to comprehend that change is happening, that I'm becoming better. I want to be a light that shines brilliantly...I want these guys here to think of me as a good person, a girl of purity, and Christian, one who is faithful to her convictions and who is loving and generous...and I wonder how they think of me now. Not just them, but people in general. We're about to have to go to work, so I guess I'll finish this later.

A few scriptures that stood out to me this morning:


Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. - Proverbs 31:10-12


Strength and honour [are] her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue [is] the law of kindness.She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. -Proverbs 31:25-31

For in much wisdom [is] much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. – Ecc. 1:18

[There is] nothing better for a man, [than] that he should eat and drink, and [that] he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it [was] from the hand of God. – Ecc. 2:24


He hath made every [thing] beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. – Ecc. 3:11

Two [are] better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him [that is] alone when he falleth; for [he hath] not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm [alone]? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. – Ecc. 4:9-12

When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for [he hath] no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. – Ecc. 5:4



It's easy to make a promise to God while you're hurting. But then, when you're healed from something and you feel alright again, the waiting part of that promise you made...not so easy.

I'm not sure how all of those scripture tie in together. I want to be a virtuous woman...someone who's husband trusts. I also want to learn to relax and be happy with the things that I have. The scripture about God setting the world in our hearts, so that we would have no understanding of it...that is some deep stuff. How can we as humans possibly understand our own hearts? yet the world is hidden inside of us.

Also, two is better than one. I've always been one. I've never been married, so I don't know what it's like to give myself away completely to someone. I came close, and it might as well have been a marriage for all of the emotional investment I put into it. But what it comes down to is the strength that comes from having someone by your side. I know I don't need someone, though. God is enough for me. And He's given me an awesome church family that supports me, and some of the best friends I could ever ask for. I'm a blessed girl :).

Anyway...Easter is this weekend. I'm looking forward to my family meeting Mitch. I'm a little nervous for him, though. We are a big family with big personalities. I'm sure they'll love him, though. I mean...who doesn't love a ukelele-player? I hope he doesn't feel overwhelmed.

I've been sick twice in the past two weeks, as well as a few gallbladder attacks. I had an ultrasound done that showed I had gallstones, so I'm scheduled to have it taken out on April 23rd.

Life is a little bumpy right now, but nothing I can't handle with God steadying me. I had a vision a few days ago of a moment in my life when I got slammed. When I felt like I had been hit the hardest, in a way that left me dazed and breathless. the vision wasn't of the bad stuff, though. I just felt like God was behind be with his hands around my waist, holding me in place. Holding me up when I didn't have the strength to stand up on my own anymore.

He is such a good God. He holds me together. :)